It was a windy, balmy day in June when my domestic help came out of nowhere and, seeing me in the garden tending to the plants, broke down and cried. I was a little taken aback by her reaction.
This was because she was on unannounced leave for the past 2 weeks, not traceable and with no prior notice, but her sobbing started to make sense.
She then informed me of her young nephew, age 18, who succumbed to a sudden cardiac arrest, and she left for her native village for the final rites. Everything made sense now.
I immediately went inside, brought money, they were a lot of it, and gave it to her.
Why and what? The reasons were unknown to me until I did the work with my Coach.
To this day, I always pull out this particular event because it was one of those times when I behaved as if I were under some spell or compulsion to compensate for every loss with money!
My work with my coach taught me several things. What stood out was my learning about the impulse to compensate for grief with money stemming from my deep unconscious thoughts and beliefs to protect.
I thought money could solve all problems, including grief and loss!
While she didn’t ask for anything, perhaps just expected me to sympathise with her loss, but I over-gave, thinking sympathy alone may not ease her pain. Behind this over-giving was my own vulnerable, grief-stricken self, which sought ease and healing.
And as one learns in one’s upbringing years, so one behaves in one’s adult life.
We are all aware that giving is a virtue and generosity a wonderful trait, yet there are times when we end up giving unnecessarily, giving beyond the need and giving without being asked.
My behaviour was driven by my deep unconscious layers of giving beyond need, which was equivalent to protection
So, in order to stay safe, both I (the giver) and the receiver (my domestic help) would unconsciously behave in ways that would keep us both safe.
Have you ever found yourself indulging in similar behavior where you over-give and then were surprised by your own impulsive act in the moment?
If your answer is yes, stay with that, probe further, and write in detail. Your answers may hold the solution to a lingering issue simply hidden from plain sight, but perhaps has been driving you and your spending behaviour.
If this post resonated with you, and you are looking for ways to change this behaviour of yours that’s been holding you back both in your roles and relations, why don’t we just talk ? And we’ll take it from there.
Warmly,
Mehnaz Amjad
Explore more at guideadvice.org · Get a free tool here