Like any other aunt, Leena is very fond of her nieces and nephews and wants to spoil them silly, so she often finds plenty of silly reasons to buy them small gifts and treats of their favourite foods.
From their baby showers to first birthday parties, Leena has been quite an enthusiast and an active participant in both planning and delegating all the events that unfolded over a decade of their growing years.
Then, recently, on her eighteenth birthday, it was a special occasion she had looked forward to and had been planning for a month, but to her dismay, she found her nieces and nephews had other plans, which included a field trip only with their friends.
No adults allowed!
Leena has always been supportive of her young generation and encouraged them to attend gatherings to explore the world outside. Trouble started when she found herself a little out of place even at family gatherings, where her niece and nephews would find some or the other reason not to attend or be available for only a very brief period.
She tried many ways to adjust, as she wanted to feel included and be part of the gathering.
She reached out to me for support when her feelings turned into a kind of sadness she could not articulate, which in reality was an unrealistic expectation of an aunt who attached a different meaning to the next generation’s attitude.
In our work together, Leena was able to;
- Identify what made her overgive.
- Why did she become a giver in the first place, an identity she developed and nurtured for too long
- Find the “should” list in her life that drives each of her decisions, especially when it comes to giving!
- The self-created pain and agony, followed by the sad days of pain and anger
- The loss of opportunity to nurture and bond is instead spent in rumination.
After all layers were peeled, she was finally able to transform her behaviour by identifying her key triggers and replacing them with certainty and trust in herself.
And
The most interesting finding in our work was that none of her nieces and nephews was disrespectful or behaved in ways that might offend a relation. (The main trigger according to Leena)
If you ever find yourself overthinking others’ motives and reacting in ways that serve no one, simply based on your own perception, it might be time for a quiet check-in.
Pause. And ask yourself: Is this true?
It takes honesty to sit with that question. But that is exactly where the shift begins.
There are stories we have all been telling ourselves. And then there is reality. What you choose to see is where the change starts.
If any part of Leena’s story felt familiar, I’d like to invite you to begin your own. [Join me on a Journey of Self →here ]
Warmly,
Mehnaz Amjad
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