​The workaholic me

As a newbie in the corporate world, I would work 12 hours at a stretch and enjoy every minute of it.

I would work sometimes on weekends and cover for all those colleagues who were either on long leave or sick.

I would work even for projects which I was not part of.

I would also participate in various volunteering activities beyond work hours.

If this makes you think I must have been a very high performer with a wide range of interests, you are absolutely wrong in your evaluation.

the truth is, I was a deeply annoyed human being in search of “What?”

The same “What” which later turned into a quest and a possible answer.

The way I would show up at work, no one could ever make out what was behind the non-stop work, and even if some close concerned friends would question, it was so easy to blame the stretched goals, unrealistic client, the toxic boss and the unfair performance appraisals at work.

Neglected Self

I kept running for years and was quite successful, but only at the external end. The huge pile of trophies, certifications, rewards, and recognitions stand witness to my chase, while on the internal side, it was either blank or a constant search for “What”

One other thing also exists deep within, I just never wanted to be with myself. 

I took every opportunity to remain cold and aloof with myself because I never felt it deserved attention or was worth it.

Shortcuts are often short-lived.

Therefore, despite the best performances and consecutive promotions, I often found myself in the space of annoyance and irritability, which was confined to venting with few people and those who I had an authority over experienced rage!

Anger was my dominating emotion.

From subordinates to work colleagues, domestic help, drivers to aged parents, I would find fault with everyone and find none matched my level of standards nor understood me.

I would often complain about why no one understands me. 

It turns out I never understood myself and through the most misunderstood emotion of anger, called for help.

Results

No wonder I would find myself caught up in the same pattern of recurring challenges and issues, and I would be complaining with the same annoyance and anger, which kept throwing up the same results.

It was chaotic and nauseating to find oneself in a circle that seemed to have no way out.

The “what” FOUND.

My life changed when the recurring patterns of challenges and obstacles started to cascade down my personal life and were damaging it really badly. I found a lot of things beyond my control, and before I could lose it further, I decided I had to find a way out.

It took me three years to find the most appropriate support from my coach, where I invested more than I could have afford and eventually set myself free from the recurring theme. It took me a while to repay the debt I was in for my investment in myself, but it was worth it.

What? – a series of unresolved issues, emotional wounds and unaddressed fears and faulty assumptions (these are my personal findings of my “what”)

If, like me, you find yourself seeking escape from work, or have a list of various excuses just to avoid that encounter with self, and then wonder why is that it never works out.

I invite you to a complimentary session with me. Let’s talk and find the way out. 

Do not let inaction waste your time and opportunities, remember it’s not worth it. 

Also, if you need help with the most misunderstood emotion called anger

Here are two resources for you;

A journal that can help, download it for free here

A course that can help you with regulating your emotions

(c) Mehnaz Amjad – 2017-2024

About the Author ; Mehnaz Amjad, is a Personal Coach.

I’m on a mission to empower people with strategies and tools, they need to cope with difficult times & navigate through challenging circumstances.