The experience I would like to share with you today will help you understand what exactly are Blind spots in a personality.

For some of you the term Blind spot could be something you may have not heard before, so let me first explain it, simply put it is part of your self, you are not aware of , but others can view and even experience it.

The term “Blind spot” was first coined by two psychologist Joseph and Haarington .
It is part of the grid created by two psychologists and the window is popularly known as Johari Window.
Johari Window is a technique that helps people better understand their relationship with themselves and others, this grid was created by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham, and they both named their model “Johari: using a combination of their first names.

As a Life Coach, my encounter with Blind spots of my diverse clientele is very common, but each case has a very different experience to offer.
 In one such case, a few months ago, I happened to meet a known acquaintance of mine, a very elderly woman, she reached out to me, asking me to meet her, I wondered if she was in need of Life Coaching at this age.

Keeping my questions and curiosity aside, I went and met her, during my many visit which ran into multiple session over a period of 3 weeks, I learned from her the many issues that had enveloped her daughter in her late forties.
In short, this was a concerned mother, worried about her daughter who herself was a full grown adult turned into a difficult person.

The range of issues included extreme episodes of anger and control on every possible person or issue. When I dig deeper about her personal life, I also learned that she did had a set of few personal tragedies and setbacks, which made her caught up in the web of self-pity, with an assumption that she now was entitled to control the whole world which needs to work according to her rule book!

My next sessions and conversations were now with the daughter,the narrations were lenghty and verbose ,but gave a complete understanding of the issue at hand , to my disappointment ,even though the facts and details narrated by her mother were absolutely correct , my diagnosis found “an obstinate person,who refuses to change ,remain completely unapologetic about both the approach and behaviour”  , Her beleif system was ; “since she had experienced great personal tragedies and loss,  she was now entitled to a freedom within which people both related and connected to her need to work as per her whims and fancies.”

Self-pity often causes more damage than doing any good, and this case to me was a live example of it with an addition of being totally blind towards a key aspect of “self” which was a sense of control the person wanted to exercise on everything.
Intrestingly even before a Coach was inroduce to the person ,people around her, in their own ways, also tried conveying it to her, some resorted to even rebel, but despite strong feedback and reaction coming her way, she never took it seriously, nor paid any heed to it.

The major reason for such a rigid behavior was, the person had created a belief system, within which the person believed strongly about being entitled to control and treat people as per the rule book, without any consideration of what others may feel, or perceive.
And the belief and sense of entitlement were created as an outcome of the setbacks and personal tragedies the person has encountered.

Negative emotions and behaviors that result from adversities, if are not corrected, can not only create several blind spots ,which, with time can also turn these blind spots into toxic beliefs and concepts.

This case as on today stand closed because the client refused to accept the feedback nor believed in the concept of Blind spots, despite the information shared and efforts implied in good faith.
This was one of the cases, where, as a Coach, I did not continue it, even though, the mother insisted that I should not give up so soon, nor was the coaching fee an issue.
I closed it because when we encounter cases that lack commitment, ethically a coach is required to make a decision, in this case, my decision was to close it, instead of dragging it with no fruitful outcome.

But I had my share of valuable lessons gained from this case :

1. Coaching need commitment from both sides, no amount of tools or concept work if a commitment is missing from either end.

2.For cases such as those dealing in “Blindspot”  , The client (Coachee) need to exercise courage along with a commitment to understanding one’s shortcomings , then accept it and then work on it .

3. Every individual goes through ups and downs of life, no one has a permanent address at cloud nine, therefore setbacks need to be approached as lessons and valuable experiences of life, and not an excuse to further destroy our own “self” or people around us.

Conclusion : Blind spots may seem like a simple concept ,but in reality are complex and holds a strong impact on our overall persona, wise are those who hold the courage to identify it and make the needed changes ,and those who turn a blind eye to the Blind spots ,has a lot more to loose besides a Coach and a Coaching program.

Until next time……

Best Regards,

Mehnaz Amjad -Life Coach

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