It was June of 2013 when I signed up for the Twitter platform; initially, my usage was confined to one or two tweets because I find it difficult to stick to a few characters and convey my message.

Perhaps I am not a person of few words.

So, my usage and tweeting were only at times when I could express or share a link within 240 character limits.

Then came a time when I would log in every day to find that this platform had a lot of news and updates, and since I had stopped watching television and news on it, Twitter served all that I needed to stay abreast of the current trends.

Then, I decided to be a coach, and along with several other social media platforms, I also used Twitter to share my thoughts and campaign. So I invested in SocialBee(a social media marketing app) and would post every single day, week, and month, sometimes even recycling the same content to market my services.

I went on doing this for two full years.

Despite the money, time, and investment, when I learned the hard way, that social media was just a bubble, I discontinued my subscription to Social Bee and totally gave up the idea of social media marketing for my coaching work.

The new relation equation: My relationship with Twitter now entered a new level, let’s call it a phase of reciprocation; as I engage with people, their views and updates, and when I found my replies, ideas, and opinions being spread, my engagement with the platform grew.

I have 30 minutes set aside for social media and exclusively for Twitter because I found it to be a platform to convey and communicate.

Then came elections in India, and I became a part of a large communication rigmarole.

gathering, liking, replying, quoting, retweeting and totally lost in the cause.

The cause? What cause ? (Two very important questions I never found an answer to)

I don’t know; I have no clarity yet. But I was addicted to continuing to check the response to what I wrote .

Despite being well aware of the way algorithms work and how feeds are suggested depending on the engagement found in my profile, without any heed to all that I know , I would stay glued to it to such an extent that the footage of the Ukraine and Gaza war made me restless and anxious.

I cried out of helplessness, and I felt angry at everyone.

The anger inside me grew as elections drew near in India.

I would now start to answer trolls as if I had a score to settle, and then at another end, I also went explaining to people at length, who in turn would mock me and abuse me, and this triggered my past trauma.

Hurt and disappointed, I would return the next day, thinking I was now more in control and would write more reply more, but with a twist; now those who troll me are plain blocked out, and then I decided to take my engagement to the next level by being a subscriber so I paid and choose to be a premium member which made my Tweets reach far and wide.

While I was not making any earth-shattering statement or profound wisdom that could change the trajectory of humanity, my Tweets were primarily cold and sarcastic responses to those instigating hatred or making fun of the system and the rich culture and heritage India is known for.

With the likes increasing, so did the followers, as if validating how popular I was and reconfirming how many people (read followers ) were fond of me.

Here I was; The dreamy-eyed me, forever living in a fool’s paradise.

I now have 1066 followers and counting, and I wanted to believe that they are all eagerly waiting every day only to read and listen to what I have to share.

I have now started to believe that I’m no less than Aristotle or Socrates in the making!

Then, I started engaging with tweets about my religion and others, explaining and clarifying. Still, in retrospect, I found not only toxicity and vulgarity at its peak but also the content, which was all made up and paltry, leaving me more furious and teary-eyed.

By Now,

My lessons and practice of Mindfulness have all dissolved in my newfound addiction, which was “ I have to answer this, Tweet.”

Then, one day, I came across Carl’s Newport-Ted Talk and was coincidentally also reading his book –The Deep Work.

He mentioned three key points that shifted something inside me.

Point 1 — People who lack deep social connections are the ones who spend a lot of time on social media.

Point 2- The algorithms are built to create addiction, and the ideas are designed by the same engineers who designed gambling games at the Las Vegas casinos.

Point 3- the grey matter of the brain, and the best works from the brain come from deep work. For deep work, one has to disconnect from sources that drain the brain.

Social media is the number one reason for draining the brain’s energy directly proportional to its usage.

Realizations & Impact.

I realized how these days I was struggling to write anything, was always in haste, wanted quick results, would quickly jump to a conclusion, lose patience easily, and felt it was compulsory to like, retweet, or reply whether or not the content mattered to me or not.

I was very easily and at an alarming rate getting furious, anxious and filled with rage.

The swear-on words I would murmur would soon come out, and it already reflected in some of the replies I wrote to matters I have nothing to do with.

I failed to understand why I was so agitated and annoyed.

Phew!

Social media was slowly transforming me, and before it got worse, I decided to adopt the I have decided technique.

And apply it, I decided to take all steps back and ask myself — What is my intention with X usage (Twitter)

I, for now, do not have any answer to this thoughtful question except a deep sense of regret for wasting so much of my time and energy on X. Till I find an answer and my intention, I have decided to be very mindful of my time and engagement on it.

Wish me luck and support.

If you like this note, let me tell you that this is the result of the intentional pause I have implied on the social media usage of X (Twitter), and I hope to create and write more with deep work.

© Mehnaz Amjad 2017–2025

Mehnaz Amjad | Coach
Hyderabad, India