In order to understand your guilt, you need to first understand your refusal.
Which is often embedded in the meaning you’ve attached to giving in our life, which sometimes could also be grief wearing a mask of guilt.
The other meaning of guilt is also responsibility, and a question that can liberate you from the weight of both grief and guilt if you were to ask it quite often, and it is
Is this my responsibility?
To understand how it works, let me walk you through it via a few steps;
Let’s begin with three deep breaths and relax a bit before we move ahead. Now grab a pen and a notepad and;
- Recall a time and event when someone asked you something, but you refused and said, “No, I’m sorry.”
- Write down the event and while doing so, also, try to remember the context: where you were, how this person was related to you, whether it was personal or professional and then write that as well.
- Now, read all that you wrote and pay attention to specifically whatever they’ve asked and what you had refused, keeping that in mind, fill this blank
I said no, because ……………………………
From all that you have written above, read your response, and then at all the various points in your narration wherever you felt guilty, underline the sentences and then
Ask yourself, Is this my responsibility? (Answer in a “Yes” or a “No”)
Pause and relax; you can take a few deep breaths before you go back to reading your responses.
You can use the template below to do this.
You will most likely find many No’s regarding the responsibility sphere you have unnecessarily taken on for yourself.
As you are reading your responses, remember, every “Guilt point” you have underlined from your responses will point you towards the actual reason buried in the countless thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and perceptions.
When you know your reasons, you now know what is making you feel guilty when you say a No.
You can follow the step-by-step template below for easy reference.
In my case, I found my guilt pointing me towards the invisible unconscious responsibility burden I’ve been unnecessarily carrying and exhausting both my physical and mental health. Just like yours, I had a long list of No’s when it came to answering the responsibility, and the reasons I had attached to each.
When I was dispelling the baseless reasons, I understood what I had lost and was trying to compensate for.
The more I understood, the easier it became to direct my giving through healthy boundaries without guilt.
With the support of my Coach and months of work, I was able to let go of that which was never mine, without grief and without guilt.
If, like me, you find yourself emotionally exhausted, mired in this web of invisible responsibilities that are not yours to carry, and you don’t know how to get unstuck from this complex pattern,
I’m here to help, and you can start here.
Warmly,
Mehnaz Amjad.
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