Trying to Escape
Few days ago, while I was as usual caught up in my daily grind of life , was disturbed by an unexpected phone call ,where I learnt about a distant relative, age 52, who was all hail and hearty just a day ago, suddenly collapsed and couldn’t move an inch , he had just returned home from an MRI diagnosis and before the reports could divulge, he was unconscious, immovable, and on a ventilator in a very critical condition.
He stayed in that dreadful condition for 4 days and finally breathed his last .
Reasons cited by the doctors were, that he was inflicted by a rare Neuro disease called “Gullian Barre Syndrome” which happens to one in a million and in most of the cases turn out to be fatal.
The next few days I spent sinking in the thought that, How, Life “CAN” change in the wink of an eye” and that a man I just met a few days ago, now no longer exist!
Someone living was now a past tense, including his name and identity which were addressed as mortal remains at the funeral.
It was mentally and emotionally difficult for me to move on from such an experience, but gathering my lesson learned, I did manage to move my mind away from it.
Often when we encounter such experiences, we try to evade such thoughts and experiences, trying to work, think and indulge in anything that can keep us away from it.
This is precisely the reason for my write up today, throwing in light on something that worked for me, and I’m sure will work equally for you too anytime you may encounter experiences you may find difficult to manage.
Because Life does keep changing, not always with a wink of an eye, but the change does happen, sometimes for worse or for better.
Now,
this brings us to a question, why do we sometimes try to escape reality?
Why is that we are seldom prepared for unpleasant surprises and in turn of events and often tend to find ways to avoid it
If you reflect deeply, you will learn that;
- We fear the unknown territory
- We want to evade the pain that comes through unpleasant experiences
- We want to escape suffering and hardship
- It impacts our mind, thoughts, and perspective, sometimes in a very negative way
Hence, we look for ways to escape it.
Since change is inevitable in life so are experiences, some so pleasant that we may want them to keep repeating while some so unpleasant that we try to escape them every-time.
So, next time when you encounter an unpleasant experience
Consider doing the following: RRW Method
1. Reflect; turn inwards and think, what is that one key thing, that triggers an unpleasant experience and that you want to avoid
2. Reason out; if the unpleasant experience has anything to do with something of the past or something to do with your deep-rooted fears or phobias. Learn to reason it out truthfully, being completely aware of it.
3. Write down “WHY” you consider an event or experience as an unpleasant one.
After following these simple steps, you will be able to arrive at the cause of it, evaluate your causes carefully, and there could be one single or multiple causes for each thought.
The more you learn to articulate and understand the underlying causes, the better it prepares you to effectively confront ,rather than trying to escape.
And
Do not do the following :
- Escape or evade it; you will be surprised to learn that our mind works the opposite way, the more you fight to not think of something, the more you are only thinking about it. Hence, the best approach is to stop evading it, rather accept and no sooner do you accept, the fight in the mind automatically ends.
- Do not indulge in shortcut solutions; both negative experiences and thoughts sometimes bring in so much misery that instead of paying attention to understanding the underlying reasons, we tend to focus on shortcuts that can cure or heal, while they may appear like a solution in the beginning, but later on, they turn out to be more serious and complex. Some of the examples of shortcut solutions are;
(1) You encounter an issue, but you try not to pay attention to it, thinking the issue will get resolved on its own with time
(2) Indulging in retail therapy, like saying to yourself, My mood is foul, let me go and indulge in some shopping, and I feel better, even if it means I end up buying and eating things that I was never in need of!
(3) Not identifying the problems as an issue
- Do not avoid counsel; most people tend to shy away from seeking counsel, thinking only the very serious issues of life need attention, while the rest will get managed on their own. On the contrary, the most complex and grave issues of life basically stem from the issues that are left unattended or have been attempted to escape. So when in doubt, seek out instead of escaping it
We all have been through ups and downs of life, our minds holding collective experiences of both good and bad.
However, what we seldom practice is our ability to manage our negative thoughts, which, over a period of time, if not channelised properly, may start impacting our perspectives, which in turn can have a profound effect on our mental health and well-being.
The RRW model is a basic method designed to assist those who may find it difficult to overcome their negative thoughts or are always looking for ways to escape them.
If you wish to learn more, you can anytime connect with me here
Best Regards
Mehnaz