​On a lazy day, blessed with an additional two hours, I decided to use the surplus time just for myself.

So, instead of following the daily routine for a change, I switched to social media; within a fraction of a second, I was lost in the feed of images, videos, thoughts and perceptions.

The start

As I scroll through my feed, ​I realize at one point in time that I was swearing the choicest slurs under my breath as I repeated a conversation going on between perhaps two strangers.

​I ignored some of such conversations even though I was way too emotional reading the vulgar responses and deep displays of hatred toward the other. 

But later on, gave in, and I suddenly got caught up in an already heated conversation.

It was now my turn to give a piece of wisdom to the crowd, which was headed nowhere, I felt entitled to my two cents accumulated only in the past few minutes of my time online.

During this exchange of thoughts, some snapped at me, and some were very vulgar; I grew furious and even deeply hurt, triggered and emotional. 

Conversations turned into a battlefield- a war of words; people joined, people left, and the words of war continued. 

It came to a point where I had to block five people in a row because I could not stoop down to that level of fight and also could not take it anymore.

So, a simple block brought an abrupt end to a nonsensical conversation, including that of mine.

I paused and, with a sigh, wished it was as easy in real life to bloc all those negative relations, people, thoughts or second guesses in my head just like these conversations. 

Moving ahead

As I moved ahead, now I was in an appreciative mood (make a note, in a fraction of a second, from a battlefield to a pleasant mode)

This fastest change of track, can happen either in your imagination or on social media platforms only 🙂

I now jumped in and started clicking the like button in reciprocation for the likes I received from strangers, giving replies to topics I knew little about. 

I waited for a response, even a second delay, I would refresh the app and immediately responded back.

Posts filled with some cheesy emotional notes, my replies were equally emotional; there were also conversations where I was so happy for a stranger that it felt actually strange.

Caught up Mirroring

I was actually demonstrating mirroring. (Mirroring is the behaviors in which one person subconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another.​)

As you understood mirroring, now imagine how much we mirror daily, given the environment we expose ourselves to.

Next time, you are baffled by your own thoughts or behaviors, just check in your environment (this include both online and offline).

In 30 minutes, from corrupt political agendas, blind religiosity, and fallen societal ethos to brothers and sisters posing as a couple in mass marriages for the sake of funds were some of the topics I was feeding my eyes and mind, and at the same time engaged in a conversation around that.  

Like the feed, my emotions kept shifting places and intensity, and my feelings strongly followed through. 

I felt I was in a chaotic space where everyone was crying out loud and had something to say, each dealing with equal chaos both within and outside.

All of us were at loggerheads, even when we agreed to disagree to agree.

Mindful Minute

Then, a mindful minute came to my rescue; I paused, took a deep breath and asked myself my intention.

What is it I am trying to arrive at?

Resiliency drain

If resiliency is our ability to adapt to stressors, I had drained a good chunk of it through my two-hour adventure on social media.

Because the healthy boundaries that take effort and awareness to build lapsed in my engagement with various social feeds, if I had easy access to someone’s opinion and ideas, I equally gave away access to theirs on mine. 

I never felt so vulnerable and reactive, especially with the trolls, and only when I stepped back did I realise firsthand the consequences of being caught up in people’s stories and that too without boundaries.

Closure

Yawning,

I looked up at the clock. I was in for a shock at how two hours had passed by, and it was already an hour past midnight. 

Those two hours not only drained my resiliency and knowledge, leaving me with an exhausted mind. I ended up missing my reading streak of 170 days!

Lesson learnt – next time, two hours or a few minutes for myself, I would rather sit with my silence – accepting a little bit of myself, than draining a life skill of resiliency I’ve been building over the years.

(c) Mehnaz Amjad – 2017 -2024

About the Author ; Mehnaz Amjad, is a Coach and a Cognitive Behavior Practitioner

I’m on a mission to empower people with strategies and tools, they need to cope with difficult times & navigate through challenging circumstances.