Once upon a time I had a colleague, He was known for his knowledge on spreadsheets and was considered one of the most sought after, if anyone in the team would be in need of technical assistance, he was the person to be reached out to.

And then one day I learn He was leaving for better prospects but would have a two month notice period to serve, during which he will be transitioning his work to one of my colleagues and some part to me.

So,

in the interim when I found myself in need of a technical assistance, I thought he could be the best person to turn to, and with enthusiasm of learning from someone so known for , I went straight and sought help in the most polite and direct of manner, but to my surprise, I was taken aback when he curtly refused and said that He does not believe in helping and walked away.

It took some time for me to fully sink in this thought, and till it did, I kept blaming myself for reaching out to him, I thought to myself;

—perhaps it was a tiring day for him, or I may have asked it in a wrong way. I conjured as many excuses as possible to protect him and blame myself.

This behavior was an extension of the self-doubt I was deeply buried in.

There were several instances, in which I was refused help in my childhood, the refusal was internalized as something to do with me or my way of asking, it was so deeply ingrained that even today on being refused I told myself – that such a person so well known for his help and expertise refused to offer me the same.

This was my “Self-Doubt” moment being validated – by a repeat of an experience. I was so lost in it that I even failed to see the wrong side of this person.

Such profound moments in our working life when they lack a perspective and a correction, they pile up into a huge bubble of distorted thoughts leading to a narrative that it was “I” to be blamed as always since childhood.
and therefore the “I” should work on correcting myself.

The Self-doubt cling on to me for several years, and for any wrong I would blame me, play small, undermine my potential, constantly look up for validation and remain stuck, confused and frustrated.

While
My colleague in reality was a rude, arrogant individual who was giving a tough time to the management and his exit was a good riddance.

Back then, I was completely oblivious to these facts and remain enmeshed in my “Self-Doubt ” moments, that too of an employee which in no way was any good both to the team or the organization.

Are there such difficult colleagues in your workspace that may have left you with negative feedback and self-doubt that you carry to this day?
if yes, it’s time to take your power back from these “Self-Doubt” moments and replace it with certainty and confidence.

To do so let’s talk, we can start here.

© Mehnaz Amjad 2017-2025

Mehnaz Amjad | Coach
Hyderabad, India

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