Oct 2023, the Sun had made its way to the sky, but being enveloped in the mist, the sunlight was dull, and I sat there observing each leaf unfolding, taking its own time, swaying slightly, dusting the mist droplets off to take a full bloom position.

With my eyes closed, meditating, my senses vigilant to the chill in the air caressing my tresses through my cheeks and beyond my ears.

I was in a deep state of relaxation, enjoying every bit of the moment with the pleasantness enveloping me in its embrace.

I decided to visit a few places and sat down to make a more detailed plan along with the budget; there were not many places on the list, but the season was so conducive that it would have done wonders if I had actually gone on those trips.

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Oct 2024 Around 7.30 am, the sunshine breaking through the windowpane gave life to the world around me. I went out to fetch the newspaper and was met with a few new blossoms on the Cannas flowerpot; the night jasmine had just retired for the day, but the heady fragrance still lingered on. The crow on the coconut tree was cawing with his partner and seemed to be enjoying the daybreak as much as I was. I stood in between the two branches of the Neem above me, which were sieving the sunshine in the shape of the leaves; I went back and forth, enjoying the warmth and the game.

It was not biting cold nor sultry warm, somewhere in the middle, as if the winter had found its sweet spot on the spectrum, just about perfect!

A weather that may push anyone out of the house to go outdoors, even if it means an errand to the nearby market. I’m particularly fond of Mirchi Bhajji, Pani Puri and Chaat and enjoying these hot condiments on a pleasantly chilled winter evening is an experience in itself.

I decided and made plans with my sibling, nieces and nephew, but for reasons unknown, the plans got deferred, and I told myself I could always do it the next October.

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Oct 2025 It kept raining till the middle of the month, followed by the paint and renovation work at home, and I realised on 17th Dec that the new calendar year was just a few weeks away.

Oct 2026 This year, I’ve been waiting for the past two months for the onset of winter, but with the monsoon being a failure this year, I find myself in a continuous, perpetual summer that seems to have mutated into a new kind of Summer.

During work, I’m on frequent water breaks for my parched throat, and every time I return to my seat, I make sure to keep the door next to my seat half open and then, in a few minutes, close it; sometimes I feel as if my thoughts are personified with the door, which remains always moving from totally closed to half to back to open, not sure of what it actually wants.

The door game is another of my attempts to continue to adjust from the intense heat waves coming in around noon and mellowing down with the sunset, and when this is not enough to not remind me that winter is far-fetched, the Microsoft Edge weather forecast keeps notifying me to brace up for another JUST another five warm days ahead, a notification which it has been repeating for the past two months.

It remains sultry with persistent levels of high humidity which refuse to budge.

This morning during the meditation, holding my teacup in one hand and phone in another, I went upstairs for some sunshine and sat down to meditate, and then I had to stop midway; my back was burning even though I was not facing the sun. I was sweating profusely; the hot tea remained warm and tasted worse in the humid environment.

I wrapped up my morning tea session by throwing off half of the tea and ran for some cool air inside my office.

Fanning my burning face with one end of my dupatta,

I thought to myself: This is what it is; the one I’m with is what I have.

The October I left behind may never return, and I do not know what the coming one holds.

With regret for the October that never would be, I switched off the office ceiling fan and got up to finish the pending household chores.

Warmly,

Mehnaz Amjad