The background: In my high school I was one of the most well-mannered and intelligent students, but weak in the subject of mathematics. I was always compared to my cousins in the USA who excelled in the subject and supposedly in life according to most of my elders at home including my parents.

I always wanted to be a businesswoman but because I was a women and Business were two mutually exclusive points in our community, everyone gave me a weird look when I would make no bones in sharing my ambition.

Then came MBA another milestone achieved, but because I couldn’t go to the top B school of India, in my first job the HR leader would often name and shame me and my colleagues in the smartest ways only known to him, and make us in every meeting realise how average MBA’s from the local universities are inept in the subject of mathematics and therefore are from the local educational institute

Where it started from; The reminder that not being good in the subject of mathematics could lead to such life changing outcomes was repeated to me so many times in so many voices, that I lost count of it and along with it my confidence and worth.

These reminders were like those sharp knocks one makes on a stone sculptor to shape it where every chisel leaves a permanent mark.

My initial years in corporate were the most challenging, while the leaders busied themselves in outwitting each other through the office politics, they often would use the newly hires as pawn in the game of chess to settle a score.

I felt trapped and also cursed myself for not having been good with mathematics, I would blame it on my low IQ, lack of better efforts and aptitude.

Experiences shaped my mindset and each knock strengthen the limiting belief- People who are not good at Math are mediocre average people with no intellect, hence their ideas, and proposals are as mediocre as their competence.

The Impact unfolding at work: Many years later despite a successful launch of a very critical complex project when my boss gave me feedback during a mid-term appraisal session, instead of questioning him, I blamed myself throughout, subconsciously I was still reeling under my poor math skills.

I often remained totally hijacked by my limiting mindset, allowing it to govern me and in the bargain had given my confidence a farewell.

Any new opportunity would come to speak up in a meeting, I remain silent, it was a board presentation and despite the best of ideas I refrained not sure whether this might sound good enough.

The Financial crisis of 2008, while the global markets plummeted, I was among the select few promoted, yet I had no courage to demand the compensation I deserved.

The chatter of What if continued for each and every thought, idea, proposal design and approval.

Several years later when my What’s if’s became a huge boulder and I found myself stuck even in the most trivial of matters, here’s when I started to look for help.

By this time, I had already lost 3.5 years and a good chunk of work opportunities.

It was deep work with my mentor who assisted me find the invisible thread that stayed dominant in each of my thought pattern and behavior hijacked by my What if’s.

In my work I learnt the root cause and its wavering impact on almost each sphere of my life.

The key learning was; To apply what if’s before a decision is healthy, for it helps you look at a singular thing from various point of views or possible scenarios. However, when the same thing becomes an excuse to procrastinate, delay or hide behind that’s when you need to realize that there’s more than what meets the eye.

This is when you need to Pause and look beyond the mere second guessing of every decision.

I second guessed every decision, because of the mathematic story running in the background of my subconscious mind unknown to me from high school to my initial years in the job, if you are second guessing and finding yourself stuck, it’s time we find what’s running in the background.

Whenever you are ready, I’m here to help.

Warmly,

Mehnaz Amjad

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