As a newcomer into a department laced with seasonal professionals but extremely sly and political, with my naivety and very little social intelligence, the first few years were filled with hardships and challenges.

I would rely more by observing people working around, and while everyone seems to be busy, I thought being flooded with work was hallmark of success.

This further amplified my habit of not being able to say a “No”

• More work, yes I can do it
• Someone’s pending assignment , yes I can do it
• Someone is on leave, let me finish their work
• Cover up for those who are absent in the meeting
• Keep looking for work and never saying a “No”
• Volunteering for assignments with no real interest.
• Doing the unnecessary.

My inability to not been able to say a “No”

stems from my belief system –

My belief systems said;

• No is a sign of disobedience
• My father never said a No, since I admire him the most, I should follow in his footsteps.
• No can turn people off and can sewer connections ( I had a deep fear of abdandonment and rejection) so i could never risk it
• Not saying a No ,can appease people and I was a people pleaser
• In my list “I” came in the end, rest everything else matters and therefore a No would bring me to the top and I never wanted that.

The work

I was so hardwired to the “Inability”, that I had to work several years to break the (Beliefs systems) of my mind, also known as the DMN -Default mode network and to learn to assert myself especially in situations that if not been taken into control could land me in dangerous circumstances.

Question for you?

Do you also find yourself struggling with this inability to not being able to say a “No” and wonder if you could learn this life skill, if so, please consider reaching to me here

(c) Mehnaz Amjad – 2017 -2024

About the Author ; Mehnaz Amjad, is a Personal Coach.

I’m on a mission to empower people with strategies and tools, they need to cope with difficult times & navigate through challenging circumstances.