She is the second cousin of my father, but as a friend and the most supporting sibling, she has always held a special place in our family. 

So,

When she called me a month ago seeking help on a property dispute in her family, I went above and beyond to assist her.

In my abnormal need to help everyone on this planet earth, I ended up collapsing all my boundaries and went berserk, playing the role of an arbitrator among a set of adults who not only lacked maturity but also held deep resentments for each other nursed through ages.

And then, I ended up,

Exhausting myself in search of …Peace.

Peace; a precious, rare commodity in the present conflicted, chaotic world!

While I could not find any peace, on the contrary, I ended up losing my share of it , the one I had built with great difficulty. 

Outcome.

My practice of Yoga, Qigong, Meditation, and Mindfulness was draining away with every passing day as I stayed fixated, ruminating, venting, and arguing – in a constant search to arrive at an amicable solution.

If Emotions have the capacity to heal, they also have the power to push you back to spaces you have worked for several years to come out of.

To strike a balance, one needs healthy boundaries and a constant practice of being within this protection shield.

How do we do that?

It all begins with awareness; in my case, when I was in the heat of an argument and a constant debate with all others, a mindful moment gave me a pause to reflect, 

I asked myself – 

What is my intention here?

What is the problem?

What do I want?

      These 3 questions immediately shifted my focus, and I was back in my boundaries, realizing my incorrect approach to a problem and relations.

This mindful moment was my savior.

But it came with a long practice of several years; had I not put in effort to learn to pause and reflect, I would have been still caught up in a cycle of banter, arguments and an unaware nervous system being taxed and filled with the stress hormone of cortisol.

We all need standby Saviour’s who can rescue us, especially when we need it the most.

Standby Saviour – is the consistent practice of building resilience, even if it means a little every day.

Now, if you are asking me to practice what?

     My answer lies in the plethora of tools and techniques that you can easily learn and put into practice in your everyday life. These tools and techniques will not only help you create healthy boundaries but identify when it blurs or when we end up totally collapsing it the way I did in the case above.

Healthy Boundaries

To establish healthy boundaries, may sound easy or cliched but considering the abstract, subjective nature of it, it is not only tricky but complex and difficult, especially when you are making an attempt to create one with your loved ones, or those with whom one may hold a deep emotional bond.

While, it is difficult but not impossible, and if you would like to learn more about how to do so, connect here let’s take it forward from there. 

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”

-Brené Brown

(c) Mehnaz Amjad – 2017 -2024

About the Author ; Mehnaz Amjad, is a Resilience Coach.

I’m on a mission to empower people with strategies and tools, they need to cope with difficult times & navigate through challenging circumstances.